I've spent the last couple weeks listening to the words spoken by the people around me. And, it struck me how much self-limiting and negative words, which routinely people used to talk about their lives. The most glaring one was "I can't". Yesterday, I heard a very capable women say over and over again that she "can't help" being afraid of heights, of birds, of weird looking fruit" among the many other things that she'd decided that she just couldn't face or deal with.
What was troubling to me was that this woman is a psychotherapist, working with eating disorder and deeply and profoundly damaged people, usually other women. She looked way older than her age. She looked as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. She, of course, was unaware of how haggard and broken she looked or how sad she sounded each and every time she approached anything that might be out of her comfort zone, repeating the same refrain-I can't...I can't...I can't! Imagine that this broken woman is treating other broken people...thus perpetuating the same cycle that we are victims of our experiences. I have a long history with "therapy" in my past so I know how common it is to have broken people go into mental health to try to fix themselves. They are usually as sick or sicker than the patients, who they are treating. They perpetuate pathology through their version of helping.
I gave up "talk" therapy a long time ago, after spending too much time lying to my therapists and almost going broke while I remained broken. I am here to tell you today that you are not a victim of your life circumstances!
I am certain that you are now arguing with me that I could not possibly understand how hard your life is or has been; how much you suffer and how uniquely challenged you are....the most challenged of anyone you know. You may even trump everyone with your suffering by adding addiction, alcoholism and a hefty dose of self pity-all conditions that you have mastered and you alone suffer, no one has it as hard as you do! I have listened to a litany of why people suffer. The one thing, I haven't have heard is how they, in reality, have created all their own suffering from the start.
Today, wipe the word can't out of your vocabulary! Begin to say I choose, I chose to and I am choosing to.... Begin to hear how your words limit your experiences. Do not become your pathology. If you have a chronic disease, do not become your disease. Do not become attached to your suffering and let it define who you are. Focusing on everything that is wrong with you life, over and over again on social media, by repeating your old stories does not make anything better . You are more than your illness, disability or past history. You always have a choice and you are not your disease nor are you defined by the tragedies in your life.
Step out of your comfort zone of getting your needs met by getting sick, having accidents, struggling with physical or emotional illnesses or holding onto limiting beliefs? You are a blessed child of God and you deserve more. Cut yourself a break and cut out the word can't from your life!